Thursday, January 29, 2009

Working

As many of you know, I have been working as the Health Assistant at La Jolla Elementary School (LJES, as they like to be called) for the past 2 months. I really am enjoying myself at this job, compared to more recent bombs-for-jobs. The hitch is...I don't really want to be working at all! It is, and has been, very hard for me to adjust to leaving my children and making bubcus at some random job. Bubcus, by the way = hardly enough money to make it worth it. I have very high emotional downs about this occasionally.

Recently a friend of mine was telling me that she was thinking that she needed to go and get a job. Actually, two of my good friends have told me this. They would have to leave their beautiful children behind to try and find something that might help their current financial predicament.

If I could give any advice, this is it. Don't do it. I can tell you, from my experience at least, that it is not worth it. Leaving your children to work full-time/part-time is a lot harder than you think it will be. It has been so hard for me! Even now, with this fun and, let's face it- easy, job that I have...all I think about is how much I'd rather be with my children; teaching them, playing with them, feeding them good food, etc. I feel my calling as a mother. Not that others don't. But in my own personal situation, I feel it. I know that that is what I really need to be doing. For my children, for me and for my family.

So, why am I still working? At this point, I am constantly asking myself that. I'm not happy in my current situation. The only positive thing that comes out of this is that I'm not at home all day stressing anxiously about what bills won't be paid that month.

What I want my awesome blog friends to know is that I'm fine. I'm not trying to get your sympathy. I'm really just verbally (through written words) expressing feelings, hoping a light will come on somewhere.

9 comments:

Haley said...

Etsy...here we come, I know that there is a way to make money and stay home. It is possible, Iet's do it!!!!!

Kierst said...

I really do feel your pain! I remember when I had to work part time while Taylor was in school. I went back to work just 6 weeks after London was born and I hated leaving! I loved my job but it was so hard to leave her! And it's hard to come home and deal with everything you have to do as a mom after you've been working all day. Not fun. I'm still amazed, though, at how well it worked out for us, even though it wasn't ideal for me to work. So, I feel your pain. The end (of school) will come quickly. Good luck!

And yes, Etsy! Maybe this summer we can get together and make lots and lots of stuff.

Nina said...

Brooke, not to get sappy because you know I hate that, but you are seriously an inspiration to me. I look up to you (and not just because I'm shorter than you). I think you are an awesome mom! Being in school sucks... we all need to get one big Etsy shop going with all of our craftiness! Sigh... school sucks, oh wait, I said that already!

The Thorsons said...

I know exactly what you mean, I worked for 2 months when Mia was like 9 & 10 months old it was soooo hard. I really feel for you and understand that you gaotta do what you gotta do. Good luck...

Robin Baker said...

Wow, that's a really interesting post. I love my job and love my kids even more. I wouldn't give either of them up for the world. When I just had one baby I thought it was the end of the world to leave him and wanted desperately to stay home. When I saw the awesome relationships he formed with others while I was at work, I felt relieved. When I had the second - I coveted my time at work - everyone needs a break! Luckily for me, my career pays well and working part time is very profitable - for my sanity as well.

I hope you find peace - at home and at work. As long as you love your kids they will turn out great! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO Big hugs to you sister!

Brooke said...

Robin- yeah, lucky for you your job DOES pay well. If I had your job it wouldn't be AS hard. But I think for me, it was never what I pictured, and that makes it even harder for me. Thanks for your thoughts and wishes. I appreciate it! XOXO

And YES to ETSY!!!!!!!

Sarah said...

I'm totally bawling as I read this! But there is hope for us all (not in a political slogan sort of way... you get it!). Since you and I talked last week I've had tons of inspiration and a plan of action is slowly forming! Thank you for your words and your friendship!

mistyb said...

I have been working part time since dylen was 4 months old, luckily it's for my dad so it's super flexible and my mom watches my kids. Don't know if I could do it otherwise, but it's still hard because even though I only work 8-10 hours a week I don't feel like I get things done at home or with the kids on the days I go plus like you said I'd just much rather be home with them. It's so hard having kids and a hubby working and in school but I think that this stage of our lives will hopefully go quickly and I guess we just have to be extra awesome moms with the time we have at home! good luck with everything! just know you are so not alone in this!!

mariah said...

Hey Brooke,

I just wanted to leave my less than 2 cents about this post. I am totally enamored by your strength and optimism. I see you come and go almost every day with your girls and I know that you'd give everything for them. And although it's a really crappy position to be in right now- you know it's not forever. Thanks for your word of advice, because we've ALL been there and thought about it. I'm so blessed to call you my friend and know that you're the real deal. Love ya girlie.