i was feeling annoyed today at work when i found that i was unable to check my email on gmail anymore at my computer. the district has now blocked gmail, not allowing me to check it at my leisure. i admit, i probably did check it more than needed. but i was pretty ticked off about it, also...more than i should've been. i even tried to call the SDUSD help desk about 5 times, getting hung up on each time. so i gave up, for then. i was fully prepared to continue my attack and find out why it was blocked and make sure i got it back. until...i read this on blue bird baby:
The universe doesn't always work in a way that we want it to. It might throw a flu at us during our only vacation of the year. It might be pouring rain on your special day. It might make living so darn hard. But it all happens for a reason and there's no fighting it. And there's something just so peaceful about letting go. There's joy to be found in just that mere act of throwing your hands up to something greater and giving it permission to do what it does, whether you like what it does or not.
it is truly what i needed this morning to call down and just let go of it. i am often finding myself trying to remind myself that i cannot be in control of everything. i try to be. it's ridiculous really. no one can do it. honestly. and i am feeling the peace that she talks about, that comes from letting go. i'm starting to accept that i may never be able to check my email at work anymore. with that comes a nice calming serenity from accepting what i cannot do anything about. this is the stress that i've been trying to eliminate from my every day life, little by little. not letting the silly, unimportant things irck me so much. so there. one step closer each time i let go.
~ calm sigh of relief ~